Ephesians 4:1

Hey Everybody!  Well, I'm in a funk.  I don't know what it is.  I'm in one of those stages where I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my heart, but can't quite put it all into words.  That happens to me a lot and it's frustrating.  Sometimes I read other people's blogs, books, posts, statuses, and blurps and think, "Now why didn't I think of that?" or "I wish I had come up with that." or "I wish I had said that first."  Do you ever feel that way?  I guess I am in a funk at this moment where I don't feel quite like I'm making a difference or an impact on anyone's life.  Maybe I am, but not a big enough impact...big enough for who?  Who am I trying to impress?  There's a lot that goes through my mind on a day to day basis, but unfortunately, with a husband, two baby kids, and a house to take care of, I'm not always by the computer to jot it all down.

A couple of weeks ago now, I was going through my old room at my parent's house and I found the very first bulletin from my very first worship service at First Baptist Church of Enid.  I also found a letter that the minister at the time had written to me.  I even found the card I had filled out as a visitor.  I came to FBC in the summer of 1998 right before the church split.  In September of 1998 I began working at Kinder Konnection, the church daycare.  During my freshman year of college at UCO, shortly after I was saved, our BSU president took us on a trip to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas.  While I was there, I attended a few different sessions.  I really felt like the Lord might call me into some type of music ministry, but I attended some youth sessions and Christian family counseling sessions and felt the Lord calling me into youth ministry.  I wrote THREE poems while I was there as the Lord confirmed this in my heart.  So, while at First I began helping in the youth ministry.

Now that I've been attending First Baptist Church for over 13 years now, it's interesting to see the way things have happened over the years.  Different life events have happened that have caused me to weave in and out of the youth ministry.  I've been out of high school for 14 years now and never went to church or youth group growing up.  That's part of why I want to be there.  I think to myself, "What did I need at this age?" "Who tried to influence me for Christ at this age?" "Can I be what I needed at this age to someone who needs me now?"

...but now....now I'm a mother...

Now I have children of my own and it's quite amazing how this life event has changed my heart and how I see the youth of our church. (crying now)  The Lord has blessed me and my husband with both a son and a daughter.  Now when I look into these young boy's faces, I see my son.  Now, when I look into these beautiful young girl's eyes...I see my daughter.  Now, before I approach them, interact with them, or speak with them, I always think, "How would I treat my daughter?" "What would I say to my very own son?"

Sometimes I feel caught in a place that many parents must find themselves.  I'm struggling between being their friend and being their authority.  On one hand, I want to relate to them, be hip with the latest lingo and newest technology, and really "fit in" their world.  On the other hand, I want to show them that CHRIST IS ALL.  Why am I even afraid of fitting in, worrying about whether or not they like me, or saying and doing the "right thing"...really the cool thing.  Why am I not more worried about saying the real RIGHT THING, standing up to them, and not compromising the Truth that lives inside of me?

I guess what I'm really feeling today is convicted.  I have been idle.  I have been silent when I should have spoke up.  I have compromised.  I think about all the opportunities I've missed.  They have viewed me as a leader over the years and where have I lead them?  I guess a little bit of Revival is happening in my own heart.  I'm just really convicted by the thought that one day I am going to give an account to the Lord for what I've done with what He's given me.  He's gonna ask me, "Wendy, do you remember when I called you into the ministry that morning at 3am by the volleyball court at UCO? It was just you and Me and I asked you to let go of music and to fill both of your hands with Me to join me in making a beautiful sand castle out of your life. What did you do with the calling I gave you?"  He's gonna ask me, "What did you do with the husband I gave you?" and "What did you do with the children I gave you?", but what about the calling He gave me?  What about the purpose He created me for?  Have I really been living out Ephesians 4:1?  Why not?

Time to get on my knees and pray...