It has been over 10 years since I wrote anything on this blog. So much has happened. I will briefly touch on some of the big things.
March 2016 I had a HIDA scan done that said my gallbladder was functioning at 10%.
April 2017 I began to have a catheter ablation at Oklahoma Heart to treat AFib but they did a TEE before and discovered I had a hole in my heart that was 1 1/2” wide and they aborted the procedure.
July 26, 2017 I had open heart surgery at Oklahoma Heart Hospital. I had a Cox Maze IV open heart surgical ablation and they patched my septal wall and the large hole with shavings from my pericardium muscle.
January 25, 2019 My grandma and last living grandparent died.
October 10, 2019 My Dad and last living parent died.
November 22, 2019 I had a hysterectomy and we began attending a new church.
June 2022 I left my job at Longfellow to begin working at Chisholm.
September of 2022 I got a bad strain of COVID and went back to the ER with SVT episodes and got put on a new med.
November 6, 2023 I started a new job in Behavioral Health.
March 3, 2024 I severed the flexor tendon in my right small finger and had to have hand surgery 2 days later and 12 weeks of hand therapy.
March 2025 I stopped attending our church over a church hurt issue.
February 18, 2026 My husband was diagnosed with heart failure and put on a LifeVest the following day.
April 21, 2026 I went to the ER with “breakthrough AFib” episodes.
June 1, 2026 My boss resigned from her job and gave her 30-Day Notice.
June 3rd Echo on my heart
Coming Up…
June 10th Follow-Up on Echo
June 17th Appointment with a new EP at Oklahoma Heart Hospital
July 7th Justin sees cardiologist
July 13th My son sees a cardiologist
July 16th My husband sees his heart failure specialist
July 29th My husband sees his EP at INTEGRIS Heart about an internal defibrillator device
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. There is trauma all throughout this story. There is pain. There is grief. There is loss. In the middle of all of these procedures and appointments my children grew up. I feel like I missed it. I feel like I spent the first half of their lives dealing with my heart issues or grieving. Just when I thought everything was fine medically and health-wise, more death, another surgery, a job change, more health issues, another job change, another surgery, strained and broken relationships at church, our counselors moved away, and then my husbands health….and my heart issues again.
It’s a lot. Any one of these things is a lot, but altogether…it’s just too much. Jesus. I would not be able to make it through any of this without my relationship with God.
It would be easy to be angry. Instead, I feel loved. I told God I wanted to know Him more. For me, then that means suffering. “Oh to know the power of Your risen life, and to know You in Your sufferings, to become like You in Your death my Lord, so with You to live and never die…” After all I have been through, I am learning that we come to know Jesus more through our sufferings. Jesus wants to reveal Himself to us in a special way and He can only do it if we walk through the fire or through the storm. The only way is through. We’d rather go around it or over it. Lately I feel Him taking my hand and looking at me and saying “Are you ready? Let’s go!” And He leads me through the fire and I am not consumed. He is with me and promises to always be with me so I am not afraid. It’s in this fire that my faith is forged and fortified. There is no other way, but I have great Hope in knowing The Way.
The other song that comes to mind for me is a song that we always sang at The Cornerstone in California. “Lord, I want to know You more, deep within my heart I want to know You, Lord I want to know You, and I would give my final breath, just to know Your death and resurrection, ‘cause Lord I want to know You more.” Knowing Jesus doesn’t mean roses and sunshine, sometimes it means death and loss and suffering and affliction. The good news is that I don’t have to go through it alone. He promises to be with me. Sometimes I walk around and often say out loud “I Am is with me. I Am walks with me.” over and over as I walk into work every day.
This life isn’t easy but I have the Hope that my last breath on Earth is my first breath in heaven. That is all the Hope I need to make it though any situation no matter what a day may bring. If you don’t know this Hope, let’s talk.
