"13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV)
My first two posts were very factual. I was processing through memories and simply relaying them. As I read back over them I realized they lacked a lot of spiritual content. Reflecting back over a year, what have I learned? When I think about what my Mom went through in her life, how has it affected me?
My Mom was the one that God chose me to have, we don't get to choose our parents or the families we are born into. It was for a reason, why?
Having the family I had growing up has given me a passion to grow a new branch in our family tree. There's a lot of brokenness, divorce, addiction to alcohol and smoking...and I want to change all that. I don't want to be anything like that part of my mother. I think more than some other parents, I want to be different and I want to be better. I want to raise my children differently and make better choices for me and the direction my family goes. I have a deeper passion for this because of what I went through. I am committed to stay with my husband and committed to our marriage. Let me just say we are NOT perfect and I'm not trying to be. We've made a lot of mistakes, we lose our tempers and yell, we fight in front of our kids, we've been through marriage counseling before, but we're committed to making it work.
One thing about having a Mom like I did, it has been hard for me to have healthy female friendships. I am just not sure where to place the women in my life or how to take care of them. I'm just plain bad at it. Because I was so close to my Dad, I've always gotten along with guys better and have had a lot of guy friends growing up. I guess I feel safer with them than women, sounds weird I know. I'd love to try to improve in this area.
What has God taught me? I learned more from my mother in those 24 days than I ever did from her my whole life. I saw the strength and bravery she had when she faced death. I realized I'm stronger than I thought I was...but it all comes from God. He allows sickness and cancer to happen. I believe for my Mom, taking her when He did was the most loving thing He could have done. I learned to depend on God in a way I never would have had the trial not come when it did. Being the youngest in my family, I get the unfortunate task of watching all my loved ones die. God proved very real to me and my family during that time and He held us all in His loving arms. The hardest part is when it's all over and I mean the funeral, the burial, and weeks pass and people leave. People stop calling and stop texting and stop letting you know they're praying...that's when the real loneliness sets in, but God is still there.
I have hope I will see my mother again. I know she is perfect and healed and happy. I do not want to walk around as one without hope. I want to point people to the Hope that I have. My Hope is in Christ alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment