A New Beginning

Happy New Year everyone!  Wow...a fresh start.  I'm not huge on New Year's resolutions and trying so hard to keep a list of things my imperfect self can't keep no matter how hard I try.  It's nearly 11:00pm on this first day of the New Year and if you're like me, you've probably already blown it.  I told myself I wasn't going to curse or cuss in the New Year and I muttered a few words under my breath in the frustration of the morning heading to church.  Come on, I know I'm not the only one.  I also told myself I was going to have more patience with my children and I wasn't going to yell at them anymore, and I blew that on my way home from church when I told Isaac to "Shut up and quit your whining!"

Ugh...I have to take a step back and simply ask myself, "Who am I living for?"  When I am alone and it's just me and God, like it is right now....I see myself more clearly from His perspective and when He shines His light into my sinful soul, I truly see that there is NOTHING I CAN DO in my own strength.  The harder I try (emphasis on "I") the more I will surely fail.  I have goals and things I would like to accomplish in this new year for sure, but again, the more I do it in my own power the more critical I become of myself.  Once again, "Who am I living for?"  For me?  For God?  For the world and their opinion of me?  Who am I trying to impress?  Whose opinion matters the most?

I really have to challenge myself to take an introspective look, which is actually a look up heavenward, and ask, "God, what goals do YOU have for me in this new year?"  What do You want to change in me?  What do You want me to get rid of?  What do You want me to put on?  It's just a simple question with a few words and the Lord answered me.

I was doing my daily Bible reading in my new ESV Study Bible online (again, something I hope to stick with) and one of the four sectional readings was from Genesis 1.  Fittingly, we did Bible study with Isaac and Jenna tonight before bed through their Toddler Bible and DVD and we also started from the beginning with Creation.  What a perfect place to start...putting God in His place and me in mine.  When you really, sincerely, truly stop to view, imagine, and hold the Lord in your gaze as the Creator of the Universe and YOU...wow...it sure puts things in perspective.  Who am I?  Who am I?

I sang a song for church this morning called, "What Do I Know of Holy?" that addressed this very question and it's one of those mind-folding concepts when you try to wrap your mind around it.  "What is man that You are mindful of him?" is basically the theme of it all.  It's one of those fall-prostrate-on-your-face type concepts that I don't think we're really meant to be able to handle.

Justin and I just returned from Winter Retreat at Falls Creek this past weekend and our youth minister was speaking about the theme of the weekend...Is HE in you?  The theme verse was speaking 1 Corinthians 3:16 which says, "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" and on to 17:  "If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."  When he spoke about the very essence of God and God Himself DWELLING inside of us and making us holy....I just cried.  I can't really comprehend it....that God would love me that much.  Who am I that the Almighty Creator God would literally LIVE in me?

Yet....He does.  I still don't think I really know what that means.  I've been a Christian for over 14 years now and I do not think I have a handle on this concept or a realization of this Power that I have....or this access to the Power.  In another part of our devotions this weekend, our youth minister spoke about the Holy of Holies...about how the high priest would enter the Most Holy Place or the Holy of Holies and they would wrap a rope or cord around him with bells attached to it so they could hear him and know if he was okay or still alive.  They could not enter the Holy of Holies...only the one mediator, or intercessor could.  When Jesus died, He gave us access to that........mind-fold.....beyond my comprehension.  Jesus became the ONE MEDIATOR and the ONLY WORTHY INTERCESSOR to grant us that same access into the Holy of Holies.

When I think of knowing Jesus like that...........that intimately.......on one hand I feel..........passionate and my attitude and the song that comes to mind is a new one I've heard that says, "I wanna know You like that..." but on the other hand I feel.........shame.  I feel sinful.  I feel unworthy.  Who am I?  Who am I that God would love me that much?  I know that God came to set me free from sin and guilt and shame.  I know that His desire is not for me to live in sin and guilt and shame and to be held down by it.....but I think I need to be mindful of it and when I say that I mean I need to be ever and always mindful of WHY He came and WHY He died.  I can't take it for granted.  I can't take advantage of it.  It's not, "Ooo, thank You for my free gift now let me go live my life for me..." kind of a deal...NO WAY.  It's more of a...."How do I let go of me and get myself out of the way so You can dwell in me? How do I make myself a clean vessel for You daily? How do I die to myself so You can live in me?"

Think about it....is my heart, mind, soul, and body any place that the Lord would want to live?  Is yours?