My Personal Testimony

Taking a break from the "Lost" series to share my personal testimony for those of you who have never heard it.  The song I was saved to is available for you to hear at the end of the story.  My heart and my prayer is that God will touch you through my sharing of how He has touched me and changed my life.  --W

Introduction

The doctors told my mother, “If we don’t operate, you will die. If we DO operate, you will lose your child.” “I want this child to live.” She replied.  Despite the warnings from the doctors that the cancer would cause the child to be retarded, malformed, or missing body parts, my mother gave me a chance.  On Christmas day 1978, my mother and I were in ICU at St. Mary’s Hospital.  The hospital chaplain stood close by, ready to send both our souls to heaven.  My father was bracing himself for the loss of both his wife and his second daughter.  There were code blues all around, people dying everywhere.  At 10:27a.m. I came out…stillborn.  The nurses laid me off to the side and started working on me.  After three minutes, the first breath.  4 lbs. 10 oz. and two weeks in an incubator, but other than that, I was perfectly fine.  Now it was God who was giving out the chances.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” ~Jeremiah 1:5a (NIV)

My Life “Before”

           

            I was not raised in a Christian home.  I went to a Lutheran church when I was in kindergarten, and shortly after that, we stopped going to church.  When I was 8 years old I saw a Billy Graham Crusade on television.  At the end of his preaching he said, “If you’ve never asked Jesus to come into your heart, pray this prayer with me.”  I had never done that before so I prayed the Sinner’s Prayer with Billy Graham on TV.  In my mind, I thought that the words I was saying were magic and that I would wake up the next day magically transformed into a “new creation” just like Billy Graham said.  So, I went to bed and awoke the next day and just lay there for a minute.  I pinched myself and checked to make sure I still had all my fingers and toes and I ran to the mirror in the bathroom.  I thought to myself, “Hmm, I don’t look any different, I don’t feel any different. I must have done something wrong. It didn’t work. I guess God doesn’t want me.” And I lived the rest of my life with this mentality. 

During my high school years I was very depressed.  My mother had suffered a stroke when I was 14 and ever since then I built up a lot of anger and bitterness because I had to take care of her and I didn’t think it was fair.  I didn’t like my family, I didn’t like being home, so I made whatever effort I could to get away from there.  I got involved in every extra curricular activity you could think of.  I was in band, jazz band, full orchestra, percussion lessons, drum corp, choir, show choir, all-state choir, and finally drama and contest speech.  I didn’t know how else to get away except to perform.  I was so busy that I didn’t even take the time to eat.  I didn’t have an issue with eating or with my body.  I just didn’t eat, didn’t have time.  On the day they announced my nomination for band queen, I nearly passed out on the practice field and had to be carried to the school nurse.  She proceeded to tell me, “Anorexia is a very harmful eating disorder.” And I was like, “Excuse me? I don’t have an eating disorder.” And she said, “Denial is just as harmful.” And no matter what I said, I couldn’t convince this lady that I was simply too busy to eat!

Well, all the busyness and stress that I put my body through, led me to two trips to the emergency room because of panic and anxiety attacks.  On my second visit the doctor said to me, “Why did you come to the emergency room? What do you expect from us?” and I told him, “I expect you guys to make me feel better.” And he said, “Well, look at you. You’ve been lying here by yourself for about 30 minutes and your heart rate has gone down, your breathing is controlled, and we haven’t done a thing.

You have the power to calm yourself down, and you have the power to make yourself feel better.” And with that, all the stress and tightness in my chest was gone! 

When the night our school announced the new band queen came around, the announcer had this to say about me:  “Wendy will attend Oklahoma State University and major in Instrumental Music Education.”  When he announced everyone else, he said, “so and so plans to attend here and plans to do this or that”.  I actually typed up his script and on mine, I made sure he said, “Wendy will…” because that’s how sure I was of my future.  Shortly after that, I auditioned at Oklahoma State University with a snare solo, a tympani solo, and my marimba solo that had been winning me perfect scores all year.  I totally bombed the audition.  I couldn’t figure out for the life of me, what went wrong, so I also auditioned at the University of Central Oklahoma in Edmond.  This is where my two older sisters went to college and being the rebellious, little sister that I was, I was NOT going to follow them anywhere.  Well guess what, I did the same audition with the same exact pieces at UCO and they gave me a full tuition 4-year scholarship in Instrumental Music Education.  So, I got the major I wanted, and God got the school.

“’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord,’ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

The Night I Was “Saved”

            So here I am, a freshman in college rooming with her older sister.  Great, I was the annoying tag-along again.  That’s the last thing I wanted to be.  The weekend before classes started my sister and her boyfriend invited me to church.  I came up with every excuse in the book not to go.  This is what I had always done when she invited me to church, and it worked before, so I figured it would work now.  Well, it didn’t.  I said, “I don’t have anything to wear.” She replied with, “You can borrow one of my dresses.” And I said, “Well, I don’t have a Bible.” And she said, “You can borrow mine.” And I said, “But your church is like 30 minutes away and you know how I hate riding in the car for that long.” And she said, “Oh come on, it’s really not that long, you’re going.” So Sunday morning came around and I said, “I don’t feel good. My stomach hurts, I think I need some Pepto.” And she responded with, “You’re fine and you’re going.” So there we went all the way to Bethany to Council Road Baptist Church.  My right foot crossed the threshold of the front door and I immediately felt like I was at home.  I thought, “Ooo, that feels weird.” And tried to ignore it.

            Classes started that week and then my sister invited me to the Baptist Student Union (BSU) on campus for these meetings in the middle of the day that they called “Noonday”.  Again I went, reluctantly.  I kept thinking, “I am not going to keep following you around so everyone I meet can say, ‘Oh is this your little sister? Wow, you guys look soooo much alike! You could pass for twins’” *rolling of eyes*

The first event the BSU had scheduled was a Praise Night where they invited a band called “Little Us” to come and lead praise and worship on a Thursday night.  It was Thursday, August 28^th, 1997.  I went with my sister and her friends and sat in the back row.  I really enjoyed the music even though I tried to pretend that I wasn’t having any fun.  Throughout the night, the words of the songs starting getting to me.  I really started listening to what they were saying and I thought, “Can you really talk to God like that? Like He’s like…right there? Can He really hold you like this song says? Can you really sit with Him someplace and just have a normal conversation with Him?” and while the songs were going on, I started to physically feel very tired.  The band then sang a song that would change my life forever.  The song is called, “Rest Easy” and is originally by a band called Audio Adrenaline. 

Here are the words of the song:  “Rest easy, have no fear. I love you perfectly, perfect love drives out fear. I’ll take your burdens, you take My grace. Rest easy, in My embrace.” And even now I can hear the song playing in my head and the tune brings tears to my eyes.  “Little Us” sang this chorus over and over and over again.  The more they sang it, the more it got to me.  I sat down and I put my head in my hands and I said, “God, I’m so tired. I’m tired of making my own decisions, I’m tired of doing this life on my own. I need You to hold me. I need Your help. I don’t want to make any more decisions without You. I don’t want to take another step without You. I don’t want to think another thought or say another word with You.” And that’s when it happened.  That’s when I gave up.  That’s when God caught me.  I literally felt His arms wrap around me in such a tangible way, I cannot even explain it.  The only way I can explain it is to say that when I sat down, I was alone, and when I stood up, God was with me.  Now let me say that again in a different way.  God was with me all along, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized it and it wasn’t until then that I invited Him to be a part of my life.  He was not invited in because of some “magic words” I said.  He was invited in because the Holy Spirit said it was time, and my heart finally answered the call.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in…” ~Revelation 3:20 (NIV)

My Life “After”

            On October 12^th, 1997 I was baptized at Council Road Baptist Church in Bethany, OK.  Shortly after I was baptized, the Lord called me again.  I woke up at 3 a.m. one morning in my dorm room.  I was absolutely wide-awake and had no clue why.  So, I did something had my sister known about it, she probably would have killed me.  I walked outside to the volleyball courts that were right outside and sat by the edge and started playing with the sand.  Keep in mind, this is 3 a.m.  While I was picking up handfuls of sand I looked at it and thought, “If I hold on to this sand very tightly, it won’t run out through my fingers, but if I start to open up my hand even just a little, the sand starts to run out.” I was still in my first semester of school and had already started not doing well in my music classes.  This was very hard for me because music was my life and I could not understand why I wasn’t doing well.  So as I sat there I thought, “I have music in one hand and God in the other. God is opening up my hand and taking music away from me.” And that’s when the river of tears came and I mourned over my lost love for music. 

God told me that I would not be happy serving the god I had created out of music so I decided to give God the glory for me being at UCO and not music.  That’s when God promised me that He would give music back to me one day, but not in the way that I thought.  I didn’t know all of the details, I simply trusted Him.  God told me that I would not be happy unless I was serving Him 24-7.  He was asking me to let go of music for now and fill up both of my hands with Him and help Him form the beautiful sand castle that He was creating out of my life.  I believe this to be the night that God called me into the ministry.

            Shortly after that night, some students from the BSU went with the BSU president on a trip to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas to search out God’s calling for their lives.  It was during this trip that I wrote the first three poems in the “After” section.  While I was there, I figured that the music ministry was naturally what God wanted me to do, but after attending several different sessions, I felt myself leaning towards youth ministry and Christian counseling. 

Not long after that, I went on a walk with my sister across campus and told her that I was going to give up my music scholarship.  I explained to her my calling into the ministry, and she explained to me the cost of tuition on my own.  Despite her warnings, I gave it up, and just like she said, I didn’t have enough money or the grades to keep attending school.  I changed my major to journalism and kept attending the BSU.  I met a guy named Trey Bechtold who was in the BSU praise band.  I told him I was a percussionist and that I could sing, and he invited me to join them for practice one day.  Since I really didn’t have an instrument to play, they gave me a tambourine!  From then on I was known around the BSU as “Tambourine Girl” and to this day a drumhead hangs on the wall by the director’s office with all of our signatures on it along with mine that reads “Wendy Johnson aka ‘Tambourine Girl’”. 

Well, due to my poor grades, I had to take a semester off of school.  It was then, in the summer of 1998 that I got a job working at First Baptist Church of Enid in the Kinder Konnection daycare.  The church had just split and I came to help out with the youth group.  I went to a Point of Grace concert in October and saw a guy do a really awesome guitar solo so I told my friend who was with me, “I want to learn how to play the guitar.” So she gave me a mini guitar and a chord book and I practiced and practiced and practiced and taught myself how to play.   

In January of 1999 I returned to UCO and changed my major again to Family and Child Development.  I played with the BSU praise band again and became so involved with the BSU that I neglected school again and was no longer able to attend.  Back home, my mother had just injured her back and no one was able to take care of her.  So I stayed home and worked at the daycare and took care of my mother.  I started leading worship for the youth group at First Baptist and I started attending the BSU in Enid.  It was there while I was leading worship for one of our small group Bible studies that I met the man that I was going to marry, although neither of us realized it for a very long time.

During this journey, God has taken me down some very winding roads.  Some of these roads could possibly have been avoided had I just remained on track.  It is only now that I am on the other side of the trials that I see a reason and a purpose for each event that happened in my life.  Even though some roads were harder than others, they still led me to my husband, my church, and my ministry.

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, and in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong.”

~2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV)

"Rest Easy" by Audio Adrenaline