My Heart of Worship

I want to tell you a story about the night I was saved.  First, I need to tell you about my relationship with music.  I come from a long line of female drummers.  My mother was a drummer, my aunt was a drummer, and I had two older sisters who were drummers.  Percussion runs deep in my veins and I believe it's somehow ingrained on my DNA.

When I was in 6th grade at McKinley Elementary, I started on the bells.  I had a set of bells and plastic mallets that came in this long, heavy carrying case.  This was my instrument.  All the percussionists started on the bells.  Halfway through the year, all the percussionists move up to snare drum...but not me, I stayed on the bells.  At 6th grade graduation, I got the Outstanding Band Student Award from Leon Jewell, my first band instructor.  I'll never forget all the boys hassling me and saying "You got the award and you're a BELL PLAYER?" like it was the dumbest thing they'd ever heard.

So, I played "the bells" from 6th to 12th grade.  Actually, I played the bells, the crash cymbals, the triangle, the gong, the chimes, the bass drum, the snare, the tympani,  the xylophone, the vibraphone, and the marimba.  When I got to high school, I began playing the marimba and took private lessons for three years.  I.  LOVED.  IT.  I did the 4-mallet method and this was my forte.    My home life was not great and music was my getaway.  It understood me when nothing else in my life made sense.  I poured my heart and soul into it.

When it came time to decide on a college, that decision was easy for me.  I was going to attend Oklahoma State University in Stillwater and major in Instrumental Music Education and become a band director.  This was my dream.  After all, ALL my band friends from high school were going there and I wanted to stay with them.  The last thing I wanted to do was follow my two older sisters to UCO in Edmond and continue to be known as the tag-along sister for the rest of my life.  I desperately wanted to chart my own course and do my own thing.  I wanted to rebel and get away.

So, I auditioned at OSU for the head of the music department, Wayne Bovenschen.  I auditioned with my three contest pieces on snare, tympani, and marimba.  I had been getting "1's" on all of these solo pieces at all of my contests all year and was certain I would ace it.  The exact opposite happened.  I totally bombed the audition.  I was devastated.

So, I took the same three pieces to my second-choice audition at UCO and they gave me a full ride.  They gave me a full-tuition, 4-year PAID scholarship to the Instrumental Music Education program.  So, I got the major I wanted and God got the school.

My freshman year I was enrolled in music theory, band, class piano 1, recital attendance, applied percussion, and like one regular class...wellness and positive lifestyle i.e. health.  At first, I did well.  Then, music theory turned into math class when we got into diminished fifths and thirds and intervals and I started failing.  I came to a crossroads early of "Either I have to love this with EVERYTHING I have inside and out and give my whole life to it, or I don't."

At the same time I started failing theory and skipping percussion lessons, I began attending the BSU and church with my roommate and older sister, Chantel.  The first event they had to welcome new freshman was a praise night.  So, I went.  I walked in and sat on the back row.  There was a praise band there called "Little Us" and they sang a bunch of songs I had never heard before.  I didn't sing much, I mostly just sat on the back row and listened and observed.  I still remember the songs that they sang and the words to many of the songs.  They sang "If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile" by Dennis Jernigan.  It says "If I could just sit with You awhile...if You could just hold me, nothing could touch me though I'm wounded though I die...if I could just sit with You awhile...if You could just hold me...moment by moment 'til forever passes by" and then they sang another song, "O Lead Me" by Delirious.  It says "O lead me, to the place where I can find You. O lead me...to the place where You'll be. Lead me to the place where we first met, draw me to my knees so we can talk, let me feel Your breath, let me know You're here with me..."

And I remember thinking to myself, "Wait a minute...what do they mean 'hold me' and 'sit with me so we can talk'?" And I remember actually picturing in my head, sitting with Jesus like underneath a tree and talking to Him.  And I thought to myself, 'Can you really sit and TALK to Jesus like that?? Like...He's really there?? Like knee-to-knee or shoulder-to-shoulder like a real friend?? Does He talk back to you??" And as the praise night went on and I looked around the room at the people singing, I thought again to myself, "Hmm...they actually look like they're talking to Someone. Like Jesus is really there. Like they believe they're talking to Him. Like they really have a relationship with Him." And I just kept thinking about the words to the songs and then they sang THE song...the song that played when I got saved.  "Rest Easy" by Audio Adrenaline.  "Rest easy, have no fear, I love you perfectly, perfect love drives out fear. I'll take your burdens, you take My grace. Rest easy...in My embrace."  They sang it over and over and over and over.  The more they sang it, the more exhausted I felt, so I just sat down in my chair and began to talk to God.  I said, "God, I'm tired. I'm tired of living my life on my own. I don't want to make another decision without You. I don't want to say another word without You. I don't want to take another step without You." And I asked Him to hold me.  I had heard it all night so I asked Him to prove Himself to me.  I don't know how else to explain it except to say that I felt arms go around me.  I believe all my life I was falling and at that moment God caught me.

Not long after that night, God woke me up at 3:30am in my dorm room and I couldn't sleep.  So, I walked out of the dorms to the sand volleyball courts right outside the room I shared with my sister.  I sat down at the edge of the court and began playing with the sand.  I thought, "If I hold onto this sand real tight, it doesn't fall through my fingers...but if I begin to open my hand, the sand falls through and I can't hang on." And I realized...I had God in one hand and music in the other and God was opening my hand and He was beginning to take music away from me and it hurt so bad.  I began mourning over my lost love for music and I realized then what an idol I had made out of music.  God told me then that He didn't want me to give music the credit for making it to school, but to give Him the credit and the glory!  God told me then that I would not be happy, satisfied, or fulfilled in life unless I was serving Him 24/7.  He was calling me to fill both of my hands with Him and join Him in creating the beautiful sand castle He was forming out of my life.  He told me He was taking music away from me, but He promised me He would give it back...I just didn't know how or when.

That was the moment I believe God called me into the ministry.  I gave up my scholarship and never finished school.  I had my plans made and my life all mapped out, but God had a better plan.  I joined the BSU praise band playing tambourine and I joined a singing group called "PROMISE".  In October 1999, I went to a Point of Grace concert and heard a girl play the guitar for the first time.  I thought, "Hey, I'd like to try that..." So I got a chord book and started on a mini guitar and played until my fingers bled.  Then, I began writing songs.  I went with a group from the BSU to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX to search out God's call for my life.  I picked three sessions to attend.  I naturally thought music ministry was it, but then I went to a session for youth ministry and also one for Christian counseling and felt a call towards working with youth.  I met my husband who was a youth minister at the time in a praise band at the BSU in Enid and the rest is history.

Today I am still working with youth and still leading worship.  If I can impact someone through music and worship lyrics in the same way I was impacted, then that's my heart.  If I can lead someone to Christ through worship music, then that's what I want to do.  God did give music back to me, but not in the way that I imagined.  I never imagined I would be playing the guitar in front of students in a church, but I wouldn't trade God's plan for anything.  It's better than I ever could have dreamed...I can't wait to see what He has in store next.  Here is a song I wrote about what God did in my heart that morning at 3:30am:

“By Your Grace” –music and lyrics by Wendy Mae

Verse 1:

Lord, You are shaping and molding my life

After Your ultimate plan

Sifting and forming You take precious time

With every grain of sand

Lead-In:

And though I’m not able to see Your design

‘Cause I have a limited view

I trust in You with my heart and my mind

My soul finds faith in Your truth

In Your truth…

Precious truth…

This I know:

CHORUS:

That by Your grace You have saved me

And by Your blood You forgave me

And by Your hand You have raised me

And made me new

Lord, I’m new…

Yes, I’m new…

A brand new creation

Verse 2:

Lord, You are leading and guiding my life

Gently taking my hand

Slowly revealing one glimpse at a time

I’m starting to see who I am

Lead-In:

And though I’m not able to see through Your eyes

‘Cause I have a limited view

I trust in You with my heart and my mind

My soul finds faith in Your truth

In Your truth…

Precious truth…

This I know:

CHORUS To End

Ephesians 2:8-10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith --- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God --- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Completed 11-7-03

Mission Trip Over Spring Break

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." 

~Philemon 3-7

Praise God!  He is awesome!  I just returned with our youth choir at church from the mission field in Arlington, TX.  We had a share service on Sunday night, but I didn't get to say everything I wanted to and figured this was the easiest way to tell everyone at once about the trip.

We went down to Arlington, TX to work with Mission Arlington.  Mission Arlington was started in 1986 by Miss Tillie Burgin and her family.  She and her family were missionaries in South Korea for over 10 years.  The Lord gave Miss Tillie a burden for her home and He told her, "If you can be a missionary in South Korea, what's stopping you from being a missionary at home?"  On August 1, 1986 Mission Arlington began.  In 1990, the Mission Metroplex was formed and operates as a food ministry, a clothing ministry, and simply a meeting needs ministry.  It is the heart of the ministry to take church to places and people who might never go to church otherwise....to literally be the hands and feet of Jesus in the community.  One way they have done this is through apartment ministries. They have partnered with several apartment managers across the city and formed relationships to establish apartment churches and begin meeting needs.  

So, this is what our youth choir did from Sunday through Thursday.  Every year over Spring Break, they hold a backyard Bible club called "Rainbow Express" and conduct it like a VBS in all of the apartment complexes in the community.  Due to the size of our choir, we formed two separate VBS teams and Natalie Nagel and I were the VBS directors for each of our teams.  Each team member had a job to do and a role to fulfill and we spent many training sessions the weeks before we left learning our roles and our positions.  These positions ranged from Large Group Leader, to Memory Verse Teacher, to Games Leader, to Puppet Master, to Attendance Taker, and Small Group Leaders.  Some of the kids were in charge of inviting and some of them were in charge of setting up.  We made sure EVERYONE had a job to do!  :)  Everyone partnered up with someone to lead a small group study, Bible story, and craft each day.  Mission Arlington provided crafts, but we let them know that an awesome woman back at our church named Jennifer Kisling set us up with all our crafts and taught them to our youth according to the age groups they would be teaching before we left.  

So, here's how our week went.  On Friday night we checked into a hotel for our fun day on Saturday at Six Flags.  Before we went to Six Flags, we went by Mission Arlington to find out where we were going to be staying.  Let's just say this was a trip of total faith and reminds me of Hebrews 11:8 where it says "By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going."  None of us knew where we were staying.  We had heard several possibilities that it could be a church, or a set of vacant apartments, or an empty office building.  I must admit, we were all pretty worried about it.  We finally found out we were staying at a church, the Fuller Street Fellowship and home of a Hispanic congregation in a Hispanic community.  I don't think any of us knew what it would be like, but 95% of the people we met and spoke to were Mexican.  Many did not speak English at all. Anyway, I'm jumping ahead.  The pastor of the church was SO very sweet and gracious.  They had many groups stay there before.

So, after we unloaded all our stuff, we went to Six Flags.  It was fun, but got rained out near the end and we left two hours earlier than expected but had been there about 5 hours.  

Sunday morning we had a quick orientation at Mission Arlington with Miss Tillie and she led us all in the song "This Little Light of Mine" (which was VERY touching, awesome, and sweet) and then it was off and running to serve at apartment churches.  There were 30+ groups from all over the nation to serve that week at Mission Arlington.  We had NO IDEA what to expect.  Every morning they requested our leaders (Marty & Jake) go to the back for a meeting and get our assignments.  The rest of us sponsors stayed with our group.  Our leaders came back and basically said, "Okay, you're with me, and you're with him..." and we numbered off into two groups.  We were given material to lead a Bible study and basically conduct a church service at a common area in the apartment complex.  WOW.  Okay, so we are going to a place we've never been to meet people we've never met and knock on their doors and invite them to church.  So, we had about 30 minutes to knock on the doors and invite.  It was COLD. And WINDY. And COLD.  So, we knocked and knocked and knocked and found out very quickly that many people did not speak English and we got very little response.  So, we gathered by the pool and prayed.  Then, we had a worship service.  I pulled out my guitar and we sang a song.  Then, we walked and sang and stopped and sang and prayed some more and prayer-walked and sang all throughout the complex.  It. was. awesome.  Nobody came to our church service, but little did we know that this was one of the apartment complexes where we would lead VBS that week, so prayer-walking was the most important thing we did.  Then, we went back to our van and our youth minister led us in Bible study and church right there in our van!  Sunday afternoon we had orientation for Rainbow Express from the VBS leader, Matt Hart.  Matt also did all of our morning and afternoon devotionals.  He. was. AWESOME.

Our typical daily schedule went something like this:  

7:15am - Breakfast at our church (Fuller Street Fellowship)

8:15am - Worship Service at Mission Arlington  

10:00am-1:00pm - Work Project

1:00pm - Lunch back at our church (Fuller Street Fellowship)

2:15pm - Worship/Prayer to Prep for Rainbow Express at Mission Arlington

3:15pm - Depart for Rainbow Express

4:00-5:30pm - Rainbow Express

6:30pm - Dinner at our church (Fuller Street Fellowship)

Fun activity in the evening (Chuck E Cheese, Putt-Putt, ice cream, etc.)

So, Monday our work project was picking up trash at local apartment complexes. We went back to our same apartment complex and picked and picked and nit-picked and prayer-walked and picked.  Then, Mr. Marty brought us some gloves after our first round!  :)  Then, we picked and picked and picked some more. As soon as I would call Jake with an update and say, "Okay, we're done..." he'd say, "Nope, I got more where I am, come here..." and then again, "Alright, we've finished that, we're done..." and he'd say, "I just found more over here, send the kids my way..." and we picked and picked and scoured and picked up some more.  The kids did such a good job and it was really something I never thought I'd do, but they totally did it to the glory of God!  Our first day of Rainbow Express was pretty scary and we forgot snacks, but thank the Lord, Marty brought us some.  My team was pretty nervous to start, but I was SO PROUD of them for just jumping into their roles and being brave.  We only had two little kids show up at the very first, and Brady, my Games Leader just started playing a game with the two of them right away....like a champ....so proud.  On Monday night, we did two choir concerts at two different apartment complexes.  Marty presented the Gospel at both of them and 7 people were saved in all!  At the second location, at first we thought we might not have electrical capability to set up, so we played the first few songs acoustic and the sun was going down and it was getting dark and cold, but the people came and worked together to help us set up and we sang a few worship songs to improvise during set-up and people came and sat on their cars and brought chairs out to listen and one young man got saved!  Praise God!  

Tuesday, our work project was to do a clothing ministry at a local apartment complex close to where we were staying.  We loaded up four HUGE bags and boxes of clothes and went to a common, open area in the complex and laid out a tarp and sorted clothes into men's, women's, and children's.  Then, we knocked on doors to let them know the clothes were there.  Then, we helped them shop!  I got to use a lot of Spanish that day and was very thankful for the Duolingo App on my iPad that I practice Spanish with so I could tell the women who came, "mujeres, hombres, ninos" (women's, men's, children) so they could find the clothes they needed.  It was awesome to watch our kids help men and women shop....so special.  When Tuesday rolled around, our team felt a lot more comfortable and more and more kids came!  It didn't take long for us to bond with them and for us to learn each other's names.  Such a blessing to see their smiling faces every day and I miss them so much!  We started with a Welcome, we did some songs, we learned a memory verse, a student gave their testimony, and then we did Bible stories with puppets, and then split up into small groups by age and taught the Bible story again and let the children ask questions.  SO PROUD of our youth for sharing their faith, answering questions, talking about God, talking about the Bible...they did SO WELL!  I told them during training that everything they had learned up until that point in Children's Church, Sunday School, AWANAS, and in youth from Marty, Jake, or their Sunday School teacher they were going to have to put to use on a team in Arlington.  THEY DID and they did GREAT!

On Wednesday, our work project was to hand out flyers at a different apartment complex about an event that Mission Arlington was having coming up. Wednesday was the day we presented the salvation bead bracelets in our small groups at Rainbow Express.  Before we ever went, since we got done with our work project early, I took some time to teach our kids about the beads in the Sanctuary at the church where we were staying.  Some of them had never done it before or presented the Gospel that way.  We had an awesome time of prayer before we went!  Every day at 2:15, we had an AWESOME time of prayer with ALL the churches who were there at Mission Arlington to be dispersed to different VBS sites. We prayed in small groups with and for each other before we left.  We had several children pray to receive Christ in our small groups during VBS! PRAISE GOD!

On Thursday, our work project got cancelled so we went back to the church where we were staying and picked up trash and cleaned and packed since we were leaving that evening.  We had family groups who prepped and cleaned up after meals, and family groups who had bathroom clean-up and van clean-up throughout the week.  We did face painting at our VBS at the end and our kids got COVERED in face paint by the little children!  :)  Also, that was the day we had a Muslim family come and join our Rainbow Express for their first time all week.  I think they spoke Arabic.  I was not aware in the Muslim culture that the women cannot be addressed by a male who is not their husband...that it is considered disrespectful so I got to address them and the children and ask if it was okay if we painted their children's faces.  Later, the husbands joined us and watched from afar, but we got to give them some Bibles (with their permission) before we left.  

I was very sad to leave the children and the apartment complex.  We prayed for them and the apartment complex before we drove away.  It was so fun to see them jump up and down when they saw our van driving up every day in the parking lot.  It's amazing to think how fast someone can work their way into your heart in such a short amount of time.  I will never forget their faces or their names and we hope we can go back to see them again next year!

36 people were saved between our two VBS sites and our concerts on Monday! The Lord's light truly shone through our youth choir and they all led and served so well and so faithfully!  It was an unforgettable trip!  Please keep praying for the ministry of Mission Arlington!  I heard "God of This City" as my Pandora played while I was folding laundry this morning and the tears just flowed as I thought about the lost people in Arlington.....my heart is definitely still in Texas.  There's lots of other stories and things I could tell, but those are the highlights for now. We left after VBS at about 7:30pm and returned at 1:45am on Friday morning. Matt urged us to not let the mission end when we left.  He said even though we were leaving those people, they had to stay...he encouraged us to stay on mission everywhere we are.  Please pray for me as I continue the mission in my heart and life in my own neighborhood and community where I live each day.

Parables

I don't think I am going to get anything else done around the house today unless I get this out now.  I am absolutely about ready to burst.

Okay, so I love listening to John Piper sermons.  If you've ever listened to John Piper, then you know how Scripturally deep and "meaty" he is.  By that I mean, if you're hungry for some spiritual nourishment that will really satisfy, look no further than John Piper.  So, I have listened to this one particular John Piper sermon at least three times.  Most of his sermons will draw you in, get deep quick, he'll take you deeper, deeper, and deeper and then BOOM! he'll blow your mind.  That happens a lot....your mind gets blown and then all the pieces settle and land and you walk away with, "Wow, I never thought of it like that before..."

Well....this sermon is like that, my mind has been blown, but everything hasn't landed yet.  I'm still processing it all, wrapping my mind around it, and turning everything over and over in my mind...but it's like it refuses to settle....which is good....I think.

Okay, so John Chapter 2.  The sermon is about "sign-believing faith".  At the end of Chapter 2, in verses 23-25 it talks about how Jesus will not entrust Himself to the people because He knew them and what was in them.  Piper talks in great detail about the depth and knowledge and omnipotence with which Jesus can truly KNOW someone...to the depth, to the bottom, better than any other human can ever know you.  Okay, so that's mind-blowing enough in itself, but also extremely.........convicting at the same time.  I'm not sure if convicting is the right word, but it's like all the covers have been taken off and your soul is laid completely bare for your Maker to see, again more intimately than anyone has ever seen you, and you're completely exposed.  Fear is the first word that comes to mind....but not like an afraid fear....well maybe, but more like an awe-filled (almost said awful) reverent fear.  Like the true meaning of putting the fear of God into someone.  Like the final meaning of "being fully known as I am known" like we all will be on the Day of Judgment.

Wow, okay.  So, the sermon is talking about how Jesus doesn't want to give Himself away to these people because they truly don't believe in Him....they believe in the signs and miracles He does.  The challenge of the sermon is:  How many of us are this way?  We won't believe until we see the signs and wonders.  Okay, I just had a new thought about Jesus giving Himself away but will save it for later (reminder=heart).  Moving on...

So, okay I just regurgitated this to my husband and let me see if I can say it the same way twice.  This is my understanding of these concepts.  In the Old Testament, God does miracles, signs, and wonders and the people don't get it.  He's in burning bushes, rains down fire from Heaven for Elijah, sends hail storms, locusts, plagues, etc. and nobody gets it.  So, God says to Himself, "How can I communicate with them in a way they can understand? I'll send myself in a form they can relate to...I'll become a Man..." so He sends Jesus "at Christmas".  So Jesus walks with the disciples, teaches, tells parables, does many signs and wonders and what happens?  The people don't get it, not even the disciples.  How many times in Scripture is Jesus telling a parable and everyone including the disciples are like, "Huh? We don't get it..." and Jesus gets frustrated and He's like, "Really? Do you still not get it?" Well, then I found this gem in John 16 right before Jesus prays for all the believers (for you and me, so cool! Lord knows we needed/need it!).  John 16:25-33 "'I have said these things to you in figures of speech. The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures of speech but will tell you plainly about the Father. In that day you will ask in my name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. I came from the Father and have come into the world, and now I am leaving the world and going to the Father.' His disciples said, 'Ah, now you are speaking plainly and not using figurative speech! Now we know that you know all things and do not need anyone to question you; this is why we believe that you came from God.' Jesus answered them, 'Do you now believe? Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.'"  So okay, Jesus speaks in parables and no one understands at first, but near the end of Jesus' ministry more and more becomes clear!  How many times are we sitting in church or doing our quiet times and hearing the Word and the concepts are just flying over our heads and we're like, "Huh?" and we don't get it?  Here's the thing.  When the disciples were walking with Jesus and He's talking about breaking His Body and drinking His blood, they didn't understand because it hadn't been fulfilled yet.  When He's talking about sowers and seeds and farmers ("Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears just popped in my head, RANDOM), and rich people and poor people and tax collectors, they didn't get it....why?  Because He hadn't entrusted Himself to them.  That and they hadn't received the Holy Spirit yet so Jesus' teachings could become plain (saying they're plain almost sounds irreverent).

On this concept of entrusting Himself, here's where my "heart reminder" comes in.  We put a lot of emphasis today on "giving your heart to Jesus" or "entrusting Jesus with your whole heart" and loving the Lord "with all your heart", but did you ever think of it as Jesus giving His heart to you?  This just came to me while I was talking to my husband about it during his lunch hour, and it went off like a lightbulb, but have you ever thought about that before?  There's all this emphasis on giving our hearts to Jesus, but what a sweet, intimate concept of Jesus giving His heart to us.....entrusting us with His heart.  Here is where ALL of this ties together.  In Mark, Chapter 4 verses 10-20, it says, "And when he was alone, those around him with the twelve asked him about the parables. And he said to them, 'To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, so that "they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand, lest they should turn and be forgiven" (from Isaiah 6:9-10) And he said to them, 'Do you not understand this parable? How then will you understand all the parables?"  DING!  Lightbulb!  Are you in or out?  Are you in Jesus' inner circle or are you comfortable in the outer circle?  Do you long to be close with Him, so close that He shares His deepest, most intimate heart with you?  I have to ask these questions of myself.  The same God of the Old Testament and the same Jesus of the New Testament is the same Holy Spirit that I have access to TODAY.  The Spirit searches to know the mind of Christ and only through the Holy Spirit can the depths of God's heart be made known in a way I can understand.  So, the next time I'm sitting and listening to a sermon or the Word preached (palabra is the Spanish word for "word") or sitting and doing my quiet time, I need to remember that it's only through the Spirit that God's Word is made plain to me or makes sense to me.  What a beautiful, humbling privilege!  To hold God's Word in my hand that I may be clean enough and open enough and pure enough to let His Spirit dwell in me freely to teach me, that He may whisper intimate Truths to me in my ear that I may be privileged enough to expound on it to someone else!  WOW!

So, remember the warning from Piper against sign-believing faith?  Remember in Scripture how in the beginning when Jesus began His miracles, He told people, "Tell everyone of what you've seen and heard here today..." And then near the end He starts saying, "Tell no one..." and He begins to withdraw....why?   Because sign-believing faith is not faith.  He doesn't want the people to believe in the miracles, the signs, the wonders, and the "show".  In John Chapter 7, Jesus' brothers encourage  Him to go to Judea so He can "show [Himself] to the world", and then it says, "For not even his brothers believed in him."  In John 4:48 Jesus says, "Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe."  In Mark Chapter 4:33 it says, "With many parables he spoke the word to them, as they were able to hear it. He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything."  Parables were prophetic warnings for outsiders, but gems of intimate truth for insiders that encourages us to open our hearts to Him and bring us to repentance so that He, in turn, can open His heart to us.  Jesus wants an inner circle of believers who want the peace He was sent to bring, who long for the repentance He came to preach, who long for the Father He came to represent, who long to be made right with the One who made them!  A circle of believers who long to carry that Good News to the same world He came to save.