Love & Marriage

Perfect title for a post today, don't ya think?  :)

I wanted to share part of an email conversation I had with my mother-in-law about my husband the other day:

"Justin and I are talking about spiritual leadership a lot right now.  As you know, I am a very independent, head-strong woman, wife, and mother.  It has taken me a LONG time to sit back and let Justin lead.  I am still learning and struggling with it now (we just talked about it last night).  Justin says he is trying to figure out how to lead because I haven't let him very much our whole marriage.  So, I'm still trying to figure out how to shut up and get out of the way and need him.  I grew up too fast and never needed anybody for anything.  When it's all you know, it's hard to modify your thinking and ways of doing things sometimes.  So, Justin and I are still working through a lot too and by no means have we arrived anywhere.  We're glad we have some good, Christian accountability partners.  :)

Some of the questions I have to ask myself with Justin are, "What am I doing that hinders Justin from wanting to change his ways?" "Am I encouraging Justin to make a change and stick with it or am I causing him to compromise?" "Am I building Justin up or tearing him down?" "How am I supporting Justin's decision and commitment to change?" "Do I help Justin fail or help him succeed?"  Just lots of things...I had to realize that I usually hinder more than I help and get in the way more than give him any freedom.  I also have to watch not only the way I talk to him, but also the way I talk about him to others.  "Is what I'm about to say going to cast Justin in a bad light?" "Am I disrespecting Justin or affirming Justin in front of everyone?" "Does Justin know he has my support and my confidence?"  If I discredit Justin every chance I get, then he won't want to change or stick with his convictions. 

The biggest one that I struggle with is, "Does my 'encouraging' turn into nagging?"  I can tell Justin that I want to pray before bed or do Bible study together before bed or with the kids or whatever and sometimes I end up nagging him about it.  Then, his guy friends can suggest it and he'll be like, "Let's have Bible study as a family!"  I'm like, "Sure, you'll listen to them, but not to me." and then he'll say, "Well, you're nagging me about it."  So, then it all becomes about my tone of voice and my attitude.  Justin has told me a MILLION times that he would have an easier time doing things I suggest if I SAY it in a nice way.  :)  Not always easy for me to do when I'm stressed out with the kids and used to talking to a 1 and 3 year old all day.  :)  I'm used to telling Isaac and Jenna what to do ALL DAY so sometimes it naturally pours over to Justin...."

Can I get an "Amen?"  Ever been there before?  Let's see what the Bible has to say on this topic.  When I started reading the entire Bible all the way through again, I started with Creation.  Good place to start, right?  Let's see what God's original plan was for marriage from the beginning.  Here is what I've studied in my ESV Study Bible notes:

Genesis 2:15 "The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it." NOTES: "The fact that the command was given to Adam implies that God gave 'the man' a leadership role, including the responsibility to guard and care for ('keep') all of creation--a role that is also related to the leadership responsibility of Adam for Eve as his wife (compare to verse 18 'a helper fit for him')."

Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"  NOTES:  "Not good is a jarring contrast to 1:31; clearly, the situation here has not yet arrived to 'very good'. I will make him can also be translated 'I will make for him,' which explains Paul's statement in 1 Cor. 11:9. In order to find the man a helper fit for him, God brings to him all the livestock, birds, and beasts of the field. None of these, however, proves to be 'fit for' the man. 'Helper' (Hb. 'ezer') is one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in 'the helped'.  The term does not imply that the helper is either stronger or weaker than the one helped. 'Fit for him' or 'matching him' is not the same as 'like him': a wife is not her husband's clone but complements him."

Genesis 2:23 "Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'"  NOTES:  "This sentence and the story of Eve's creation both make the point that marriage creates the closest of all human relationships. It is also important to observe that God creates only one Eve for Adam, not several Eves or another Adam. This points to heterosexual monogamy as the divine pattern for marriage that God established at creation. Moreover, the kinship between husband and wife creates obligations that override even duty to one's parents."  

I'm sorry, before we move on, can I just ask, "Can anyone argue with my highlighted statement above?"  I mean sincerely...who has the guts to stare God, the Creator of the Universe and every human being on the planet, in the face and say, "YOU ARE A LIAR!" "You did it wrong..." "You messed up in Your design..."  Um...who among us can claim to know better than God?  Oh wait...there's a "fall" in here somewhere right?  There's a sin in here somewhere, right?  Someone asks Eve, "Did God really say?......" and as soon as Eve believed that ONE LIE, all creation after her believed it too....and here we are today...okay, moving on, let's keep learning...what happens next in Genesis is AFTER the fall, the original sin...

Genesis 3:16 "To the woman he said, 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.'"  

*****THIS IS THE GOOD PART THAT SPEAKS TO ME THE MOST*****

NOTES:  "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. These words from the Lord indicate that there will be an ongoing struggle between the woman and the man for leadership in the marriage relationship. The leadership role of the husband and the complementary relationship between husband and wife that were ordained by God before the fall have now been deeply damaged and distorted by sin. This especially takes the form of inordinate desire (on the part of the wife) and domineering rule (on the part of the husband).  The ongoing result of Adam and Eve's original sin of rebellion against God will have disastrous consequences for their relationship: (1) Eve will have the sinful 'desire' to oppose Adam and to assert leadership over him, reversing God's plan for Adam's leadership in marriage. But (2) Adam will also abandon his God-given, pre-fall role of leading, guarding, and caring for his wife, replacing this with his own sinful, distorted desire to 'rule' over Eve. Thus one of the most tragic results of Adam and Eve's rebellion against God is an ongoing, damaging conflict between husband and wife in marriage, driven by the sinful behavior of both in rebellion against their respective God-given roles and responsibilities in marriage. (See notes on Eph. 5:21-32 for the NT pattern for marriage founded on the redemptive work of Christ.)"

Okay, I'm not a Bible scholar or anything like that, but I can't help but see how this CLEARLY shows that God's plan and design from Creation was for the man and husband to be the spiritual leader of the home, NOT the woman or the wife.  Is that what you all read too?  Once again, who has the guts to stare God in the face and say, "NOPE! That's not right! You're a liar! You designed it wrong..."  Um...not me....not that brave, sorry.  I'd like to live to see Jesus come back one day, not get struck by lightning by His Dad.  :)  Also, when it says "God-given roles and responsibilities" who am I to look at God as a woman and wife and say, "I don't like the role You gave me God, I want Justin's role!"  I'm sorry, but to me that sounds like whining and pouting like a kid and saying, "I don't like this present, I want THAT one! WHAHHH! WHAHH!" 

But the sobering thought is, "Isn't that exactly what I'm doing when I don't let Justin lead?"  I'm denying Justin his God-given role and responsibility...ordained by God during His design at Creation...whoa...time to get on my face, repent, and surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit to fulfill the God-given role and responsibility that God gave to me....to be Justin's HELPER.  I was ordained by God at Creation to be my husband's helper, to encourage him, and to support him in his role as a husband, father, and spiritual leader in our home.  Sin has caused me to fall short of that, but thanks be to God, He has provided a way out!  I don't have to succumb to sin every day!  Because Jesus came, I can live marriage out this way:

Ephesians 5:32-33 "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."  NOTES:  "By mystery Paul means the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus (see 1:9; 3:3-4, 9; and 6:19), thus his quotation about marriage from Genesis 2 (in Eph. 5:31) ties in to the relationship between Christ and his church. Paul's meaning is profound: he interprets the original creation of the husband-and-wife union as itself modeled on Christ's forthcoming union with the church as his 'body' (see verse 23). Therefore, marriage from the beginning of creation (Genesis 1) was created by God to be a reflection of and patterned after Christ's relation to the church. Thus Paul's commands regarding the roles of husbands and wives do not merely reflect the culture of his day but present God's ideal for all marriages at all times, as exemplified by the relationship between the bride of Christ (the church) and Christ himself, the Son of God."

Amazing, beautiful....enough said.  Who can argue with this?  How can you disagree with it?  This is God's Word, they are not my own ideas...I'm not sure about you, but I believe "God said it, I believe it, that settles it."